History vs. Happiness

Sunday, July 17, 2005

If I had listened to my intuition before, I wouldn't be in this mess right now. I just wished I were wrong. Two days before our 6-month anniversary, my boyfriend, (from henceforth referred to as "ex") broke up with me because he is returning to his ex-wife who left him two years ago.The only reason she wants him back is because he told her he's moved on and was dating someone new. (ME!) Her emotional decline culminated in her telling him that she was considering suicide. sigh....This happened on Wednesday night as we were going to sleep. We said goodbye Thursday morning and as I walked towards my car, he told me not to look back.Okay, so now I'm not looking back. I'm just now wondering what do I have to look forward to? I don't mean it in an "Oh-I'm-feeling-so-sorry-for-myself-woe-is-me-kinda-way." I feel like I don't have him to look forward to anymore. No more cooking together, watching movies, riding bike, holding hands, laughing, cutting yards, kissing, just simple hanging out, massages, eating cereal on his terrace in the morning, his cats, and all the wonderful things that we thoroughly enjoyed together.The reality is hitting me hard today, he chose her over me. He threw away a perfectly good relationship for a marriage that ended two years ago. I know that it's not going to work out for them.He told me that if she weren't in this state, he would be free to love me and we could move forward in our relationship. He knows that he would be happier with me. The reason I'm not with him anymore is because of the history he has with her. She doesn't even compare, but history is what matters here. I just wish he could think about his happiness for once. I sincerely think he is underestimating her. He says she is helpless and lost, I think she is just being manipulative and selfish. I could think of 100 logical reasons why he shouldn't be with her anymore.My hope is that one day, he will realize what a terrible mistake he made.